Who in our culture uses a coach? Well, let's see. Everyone from Little League baseball players to professional athletes of all types and stripes. Actors and public speakers. People who have important goals to achieve in their lives.
In short, anyone who wants to improve some facet in his or her life uses a coach!
Why is having a coach valuable? It has to do with a principle called synergy, where one plus one adds up to more than two. To be sure, the coach may teach the person some "how to's" but of at least equal importance, the coach will inspire the person to greater heights and will hold the person accountable to overcome greater challenges than he or she could do alone.
We all like to look up to very successful people. What do they largely have in common? They tap into the power of synergy by using the skills of a coach as a multiplier for their own skills to achieve goals that are important to them.
Do you have important goals to achieve in your life? If so,what are you going to do about them?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Intention vs. Expectation
I have my goal, it's a good goal, a S.M.A.R.T. goal, and I am off and running to achieve it! However, at some point in the execution phase, I find myself stuck and not making any progress. It's possible I have crossed over from intention to expectation. When I am in intention, I am focused on the outcome I want to create; when I am in expectation, I am more focused on the process I am employing, a strategy that may not be helpful.
Here's an example: Let's say that my intention is to go to New York and view the Statue of Liberty. Sort of a priori I think the way I would go would be to drive to Manhattan and then go all the way to the southern tip of the island, to Battery Park, whence I can look out across New York Harbor and see the Statue.
So I get out my trusty Google Maps and create my route. My plan is to drive north out of the Phoenix area, where I live, to Flagstaff where I pick up Interstate 40. I follow I40 east to Oklahoma City, where I transition to I44; I take I44 to St. Louis, where I pick up Interstate 70. I stay on I70 through Indianapolis and Columbus, all the way to Harrisburg, where I78 is my new route. I stay on I78 all the way into New Jersey and, indeed, I78 ends in Jersey City just a few blocks from the Holland Tunnel. I cross under the Hudson River to Manhattan Island via the Holland Tunnel, turn right and run on down to Battery Park. There's the Statue, out there in the harbor. That's my plan and that's the way I expect to go.
However, as I am cruising through St. Louis, approaching the Mississippi River, I notice a sign that informs me that the I44 bridge across the Mississippi River is closed for some indeterminate period of time.
If I am in expectation thinking, that is, my journey has to go the way I expect it to go, I will be stuck at that point until the bridge reopens. On the other hand, if I am in intention thinking, that is, keeping foremost in my mind that my intention is to get to New York and view the Statue of Liberty, I won't care which bridge I cross the river on. I will juke north or south to find an open bridge and I will keep on moving east in my quest for my goal!
Thus, intention thinking keeps me focused on the outcome I want to create without getting bogged down with the process having to look a certain way. I can adjust the process as I need to en route to compensate for unexpected changes. If my mindset is that the process or mechanism has to look a certain way, it's likely that I will get stuck as soon as life deviates from my plan.
Notice also that as I am in New Jersey cruising north on I78, which in this neck of the woods is called the New Jersey Turnpike, I can see Liberty Island off to my right out in the harbor. If I get off at Liberty State Park I can go right to the water's edge and see the Statue from a whole lot closer vantage point than Battery Park. So even the outcome doesn't have to look like I expected it to!
Here's an example: Let's say that my intention is to go to New York and view the Statue of Liberty. Sort of a priori I think the way I would go would be to drive to Manhattan and then go all the way to the southern tip of the island, to Battery Park, whence I can look out across New York Harbor and see the Statue.
So I get out my trusty Google Maps and create my route. My plan is to drive north out of the Phoenix area, where I live, to Flagstaff where I pick up Interstate 40. I follow I40 east to Oklahoma City, where I transition to I44; I take I44 to St. Louis, where I pick up Interstate 70. I stay on I70 through Indianapolis and Columbus, all the way to Harrisburg, where I78 is my new route. I stay on I78 all the way into New Jersey and, indeed, I78 ends in Jersey City just a few blocks from the Holland Tunnel. I cross under the Hudson River to Manhattan Island via the Holland Tunnel, turn right and run on down to Battery Park. There's the Statue, out there in the harbor. That's my plan and that's the way I expect to go.
However, as I am cruising through St. Louis, approaching the Mississippi River, I notice a sign that informs me that the I44 bridge across the Mississippi River is closed for some indeterminate period of time.
If I am in expectation thinking, that is, my journey has to go the way I expect it to go, I will be stuck at that point until the bridge reopens. On the other hand, if I am in intention thinking, that is, keeping foremost in my mind that my intention is to get to New York and view the Statue of Liberty, I won't care which bridge I cross the river on. I will juke north or south to find an open bridge and I will keep on moving east in my quest for my goal!
Thus, intention thinking keeps me focused on the outcome I want to create without getting bogged down with the process having to look a certain way. I can adjust the process as I need to en route to compensate for unexpected changes. If my mindset is that the process or mechanism has to look a certain way, it's likely that I will get stuck as soon as life deviates from my plan.
Notice also that as I am in New Jersey cruising north on I78, which in this neck of the woods is called the New Jersey Turnpike, I can see Liberty Island off to my right out in the harbor. If I get off at Liberty State Park I can go right to the water's edge and see the Statue from a whole lot closer vantage point than Battery Park. So even the outcome doesn't have to look like I expected it to!
A Different Set of the 3 R's
We all know about the 3R's: Resentment, Resistance, and Revenge. How about another set of 3R's that would be useful to get out of the regular 3R's? These might just be: Review, Release, Renew.
Review
Take stock of where I am in this situation. First of all, I have to be aware that I'm in the 3R's if I'm to hope to get out. Then be aware of what's going on for me. And be honest about it, even brutally honest. It's never a good idea to lie to other people; it's infinitely worse to lie to myself. Be aware of how my perspective of what's going on is affecting my reaction to the situation. It's very likely that the story I made up about what happened is what's driving my resentment. If I recast the story so that it's positive for me, I may be able to change my whole perspective.
Release
Let go of the animosity; release the negative energy. My choice to be in the 3R's is costing somebody something; it's likely that the person who's paying the biggest price is me! When I bring my energy down, all of a sudden I am open to all kinds of new possibilities. At this point it becomes possible to forgive. And by forgive I don't necessarily mean the 21st Century version of forgiveness, where there's total reconciliation and everything is all lovey-dovey. I'm referring to the Biblical notion of forgiveness, where to forgive means to release an obligation. In Biblical Israel, up to and including the time of Jesus, when one person wronged another, an obligation was presumed to have been created, such that the "wrongor" had to "make it up" to the "wrongee." To forgive was for the "wrongee" to release the "wrongor" from this obligation, this debt. Notice that some translations of The Lord's Prayer say "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." That's not a reference to somebody owing someone some money; it refers to releasing the obligations to God and to others created by someone's transgressions. Note also that there's nothing here that says I have to be friends with the person I have forgiven. Releasing the obligation is principally about restoring my harmony.
Renew
Set about rebuilding the relationship, in the full knowledge that it may never be the same as it was before. This is where open, honest, responsible communication comes in handy. At the very least I can get clean with what went on so that I can go forward in the most positive manner for me.
And finally, it’s likely that there’s a fourth R: Reapply. Like sun block that wears off and needs to be reapplied, these 3R’s may need to be reapplied frequently.
Review
Take stock of where I am in this situation. First of all, I have to be aware that I'm in the 3R's if I'm to hope to get out. Then be aware of what's going on for me. And be honest about it, even brutally honest. It's never a good idea to lie to other people; it's infinitely worse to lie to myself. Be aware of how my perspective of what's going on is affecting my reaction to the situation. It's very likely that the story I made up about what happened is what's driving my resentment. If I recast the story so that it's positive for me, I may be able to change my whole perspective.
Release
Let go of the animosity; release the negative energy. My choice to be in the 3R's is costing somebody something; it's likely that the person who's paying the biggest price is me! When I bring my energy down, all of a sudden I am open to all kinds of new possibilities. At this point it becomes possible to forgive. And by forgive I don't necessarily mean the 21st Century version of forgiveness, where there's total reconciliation and everything is all lovey-dovey. I'm referring to the Biblical notion of forgiveness, where to forgive means to release an obligation. In Biblical Israel, up to and including the time of Jesus, when one person wronged another, an obligation was presumed to have been created, such that the "wrongor" had to "make it up" to the "wrongee." To forgive was for the "wrongee" to release the "wrongor" from this obligation, this debt. Notice that some translations of The Lord's Prayer say "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." That's not a reference to somebody owing someone some money; it refers to releasing the obligations to God and to others created by someone's transgressions. Note also that there's nothing here that says I have to be friends with the person I have forgiven. Releasing the obligation is principally about restoring my harmony.
Renew
Set about rebuilding the relationship, in the full knowledge that it may never be the same as it was before. This is where open, honest, responsible communication comes in handy. At the very least I can get clean with what went on so that I can go forward in the most positive manner for me.
And finally, it’s likely that there’s a fourth R: Reapply. Like sun block that wears off and needs to be reapplied, these 3R’s may need to be reapplied frequently.
Sustained Commitment
The third key is sustained commitment. As Sir Winston Churchill once famously said, "Never, ever, ever give up!" When a person is truly, irrevocably committed to a goal, it's only a matter of time until he or she achieves the goal. Too often people give up or give in to their programs before they have achieved their goals, even when success may be close within reach. The only way to fail is to give up; "Never, ever, ever give up!"
Personal Responsibility
Personal responsibility is the second key. As I understand that the choices I make contribute to virtually every event that occurs in my life, I am able to exercise greater control over those events. This perspective empowers me to review what happens to me and if I don't like it, to choose differently the next time to create the result I want. Even if the event is positive, I still may want to make a different choice to create an even better outcome! Personal responsibility gives me that power.
Self Awareness
Self-awareness is the first key. Self-awareness is my ability to recognize my emotional state (and maybe my physical state, too) at any given moment. When I am able to check in to what’s going on for me, I empower myself to choose consciously how I will act, rather than defaulting to allowing my programs (many of which serve me, but some of which do not) to choose for me automatically.
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